Getting Out of Your Own Way When Life Changes Everything
Why the end of one chapter might be exactly the beginning you've been waiting for
You're in the grocery store about a week after your youngest left to build a life of their own. A friend walks up and asks, "How are you handling things?" You give them that confused look because you're not sure what they're even talking about.
Then you realize you’re supposed to be feeling like everyone else – sad and lost.
Here's what they expected you to say: "It's so hard. The house feels empty. I don't know what to do with myself."
Here's what you actually felt: Relief. Excitement. And for the first time in a long time, a clear view of what you've been neglecting or putting off.
While your friends were deep in Empty Nest Syndrome, here you were in Empty Nest Revelation. Sure, there was a little sadness—you're not made of stone. But defining you? Not even close. You had spent years preparing your kids for their own lives. Now it was time to start living yours.
But then the guilt crept in. Good mothers are supposed to be devastated when their children become independent, functioning adults, right? You felt like you were breaking some unwritten rule by feeling excited about finally getting your life back.
That guilt was exactly what you needed to examine because it wasn't really about your kids at all.
The Limiting Belief That Keeps Us Stuck
Here's the mindset trap that catches so many of us: "Starting over means admitting failure, and successful people never change direction."
This belief is everywhere in business advice. Pick your niche and stick with it. Consistency is king. Winners don't quit. The business you built is the business you're stuck with.
It sounds reasonable. But it's quietly devastating.
This mindset causes us to cling to business models that worked for who we used to be, rather than who we are now.
It makes us feel guilty for wanting something different when our circumstances change.
It makes us apologize for outgrowing our own definitions of success.
I watched a client torture herself for months because she wanted to shift from one-on-one coaching to group programs. "But I've been doing this for five years," she said. "People expect my undivided attention. How will I charge what I’m worth?" She was treating her business like a prison sentence instead of a living, breathing thing that could evolve with her.
The Shift In The Conversation
The shift came during a spotlight session in my business mastermind. I was doing that thing we all do—laying out all the logical reasons why I couldn't make the changes I knew I needed to make. Too risky. Too late. Too off-brand. What would my existing clients think? What if I lost momentum?
The group listened patiently as I built my case for staying stuck.
Then one of the other members cut through all my reasoning: "You've spent years setting your life up for the kids being on their own, and your husband's pending retirement. Why aren't you looking at your own needs?"
The room went quiet. That question hit me right in the chest.
I realized I'd become so adept at planning for everyone else's transitions that I'd completely overlooked my own. I was treating everyone else's life changes as natural evolution while keeping myself trapped in a version of success that no longer fit who I was becoming.
The power in that moment wasn't just getting permission to change—it was recognizing that my needs mattered too. That adaptation isn't a failure. It's using everything you've learned to create something better.
How This Actually Works in Real Life
1. Evolution Is Excellence
Your business should grow and change as you do. The version of success that worked when you were juggling carpools and basketball practice might not fit your life now. That's not failure—that's intelligence.
This principle frees you from the exhausting pressure to stay consistent with who you used to be. Instead of asking "Will people think I'm flaky?" you start asking "What would serve me and my clients better now?"
2. Experience Is Your Competitive Advantage
Every phase of your business taught you something valuable. You don't lose that wisdom when you pivot—you apply it more strategically.
The years you spent working around family schedules taught you the value of efficiency. The clients who drained your energy taught you about boundaries. The projects that lit you up taught you about alignment. None of that was wasted time.
This principle transforms regret into resources. Instead of feeling behind, you feel informed.
3. Permission Comes From Within
You don't need external validation to want something different. You don't need to justify why your priorities have changed. You don't need to apologize for outgrowing your old definitions of success.
This might be the most radical principle of all—trusting yourself enough to change direction without everyone else's approval. It creates a kind of quiet confidence that's impossible to fake.
The Difference This Made (And Still Makes)
I stopped overthinking every single move. That client inquiry that would have sent me into a three-day spiral of "should I or shouldn't I?" now gets a quick gut-check: Does this fit who I'm becoming or who I used to be?
I started saying no without a dissertation. Instead of creating elaborate explanations for why I couldn't take on certain projects, I began trusting that "this isn't a good fit" was a complete sentence.
Work felt like work again, not emotional labor. Have you ever felt like you're constantly swimming against the current? I didn't realize how exhausting it was to fight my instincts until I stopped doing it.
I quit asking for permission I didn't need. Every time I made a decision based on what felt right for my actual life, rather than what looked good on paper, I proved to myself that I could trust my own judgment.
When the Old Voice Creeps Back In
Shifting this mindset isn't a one-time decision; it's a gradual process. The old thinking creeps back in, especially when:
You start comparing your inside to someone else's outside. When this happens, remember: You're seeing their highlight reel, not their decision-making process. What looks like overnight success probably took years of invisible evolution.
You worry about "wasting" your previous experience. Ask yourself: How is staying stuck honoring your experience? Your past becomes truly valuable when you use it to make better decisions now.
You feel guilty for wanting something easier. If your best friend told you she wanted to build a business that felt easier and more aligned with her values, would you tell her she was being selfish? Give yourself the same grace.
Remember: Mindset shifts happen in waves, not straight lines. Be patient with yourself as you practice thinking in a different way.
The Questions You've Been Avoiding
Instead of the usual "what would your ideal business look like" questions, try these:
What's one thing you keep saying you'll change "when you have time" that you have time for now?
Who are you trying not to disappoint by keeping things the same? (And when's the last time you asked if they even care?)
What would you do differently if you knew your current clients would still respect you for evolving?
What's the smallest change you could make this week that would feel like breathing room?
Pick one thing that's been bugging you about how your business runs. Not the big, scary pivot - just one annoying thing. Change it this week. Notice how it feels to make a decision based on what works for you now, not what you committed to three years ago.
Then pay attention to what happens. Did anyone notice? Did the world end? Or did you just prove to yourself that you can trust your judgment?
The Thing Nobody Talks About
This mindset shift isn't really about business at all. It's about honoring the person you've become through all your experiences—the challenges, the growth, the wisdom you've earned.
Your business gets to be a reflection of that evolution, not a monument to who you used to be.
I'm still learning to trust this process. Sometimes, I catch myself apologizing for wanting things to be different, easier, and more aligned. But then I remember: the same instincts that helped me raise independent, capable humans can absolutely help me build a business that serves my life, rather than consuming it.
What would change if you trusted your instincts the same way?
Tired of second-guessing every business decision? My Decision Accelerator helps you cut through the noise and trust your instincts when it comes to the changes you know you need to make. Check it out at https://digitalnavigatorhq.com/decision-accelerator/
Or just hit reply and tell me about the changes you've been putting off - I read every response and love hearing what's really holding you back.