Stop Overthinking-They’re Not Even Paying Attention
A mindset shift that frees you from perfectionism and overthinking
Back then, I was that mom who volunteered for everything: fundraisers, even PTG president.
If the group needed help, I was there. On paper or off-it didn’t matter.
I just wanted to make sure the kids had what they needed and that I could be counted on.
So when one of the moms asked if I could take the girls to the football game, I didn’t hesitate to say yes. I liked hometown football- the halftime show, the crisp fall air, and the fact that it gave my young son something to do.
At the end of the night, one of the moms took the girls home for a sleepover.
It was just me and my little one.
He was tired. I was tired. But we had the perfect chance to beat the traffic.
Except he moved slowly when he was tired. So I did what I always problem-solve.
Up on my back for a piggyback ride he went. I could get to the car quicker, and he’d be happy for the lift.
Halfway there, I stepped into a hole.
Almost face-planted. Heard a pop.
The kind of sound that makes your heart stop.
My ankle throbbed. My son clung tighter.
But I wasn’t worried-we were surrounded by people.
Only… no one stopped.
They saw me stumble, maybe. But no one asked. No one noticed.
They just kept moving toward their cars.
At first, I was upset.
At myself, for being clumsy.
At them. for not helping.
But after a moment to breathe, I realized something:
They didn’t stop because they were cold or uncaring
but because they didn’t notice.
It simply wasn’t on their radar.
Want to hear this moment as I lived it — and how it shaped how I show up in business and life?
The Limiting Belief: Everyone’s Watching You
Most of us operate under a silent assumption that everyone is watching us. We assume people notice our small mistakes, awkward moments, or imperfections. It’s the reason we replay conversations in our heads and over-edit before we post.
This mindset is rooted in what psychologists call the “spotlight effect”-the belief that we are being observed and judged more than we actually are. It’s common, it’s human, and it’s incredibly exhausting.
This belief shows up everywhere for business owners and creators: We don’t launch until it’s “perfect.” We don’t speak up because we might sound silly. We assume everyone will notice the typo, the nervous energy, the shaky voice.
In reality? Most people are too busy dealing with their own stuff. They aren’t zooming in on your flaws. They’re zooming in on their problems.
The Moment of Truth
That night in the parking lot became a lesson I didn’t expect.
I had been physically hurt, yes, but emotionally I felt exposed.
I expected someone to stop. Offer help. Acknowledge the fall.
But what I really wanted? Was to not feel alone in that moment.
And yet, what I learned was even more freeing:
They weren’t ignoring me. They didn’t even see me.
“What feels big to you is invisible to them.”
That realization stuck.
And over time, it helped me let go of the pressure to perform.
To curate. To overthink.
The New Mindset: It’s Not About You (In the Best Way)
Here are a few principles I carry now when I start spiraling:
1. Everyone is the main character in their own story.
Most people focus on their stress, hopes, deadlines, and decisions.
They’re not tracking your every move. That’s not rejection. That’s reality.
This mindset takes the pressure off. Instead of worrying about judgment, I now focus on connection and contribution.
2. Imperfections are invisible to those seeking solutions.
Your audience, your clients, your people?
They’re not nitpicking your words. They’re just hoping you say something that clicks.
They’re looking for help, not highlight reels. And the more human you are, the more likely you are to connect.
3. Self-compassion moves you forward faster than self-criticism.
Beating yourself up doesn’t build resilience. Grace does. The quicker I can forgive myself for falling - literally or otherwise, the faster I can stand back up.
It’s not about pretending the fall didn’t happen. It’s about choosing what you do next.
Living This Mindset: What Changed for Me
Business Decisions: I launch faster now. Imperfectly, but with intention.
Client Relationships: I’m more honest about what I know, what I’m still learning, and how I show up.
Personal Wellbeing: I worry less about what others think and more about how something feels in my body.
Long-term Vision: I’m building a business that connects with real people - not just one that looks good on the surface.
Resistance Will Happen (But You Can Catch It)
You might recognize yourself here:
“They’ll think I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“I have to prove I’m good enough.”
“I can’t make mistakes in front of clients.”
Each one is a sign that the old spotlight mindset is kicking in. When you hear those thoughts, try asking:
What’s the worst that could actually happen?
Have I noticed this in someone else? Did I judge them or relate to them?
Is this fear or a real risk?
It’s not about never thinking about these things- it’s about recognizing the pattern sooner and recovering faster.
What About You?
Let me leave you with a few questions to reflect on:
When was the last time you overthought something small?
What story did you tell yourself about how others saw it?
What if they didn’t see it at all?
What would change if you assumed people were focused on themselves, not you?
Think about a recent moment when you felt self-conscious. Now, do something small to shift it: take a walk, make a voice memo, sketch the moment as a cartoon, or talk it out with someone you trust.
Then ask yourself: What would it look like to give yourself grace instead of grief?
You’re Not the Only One Who’s Tripped
This mindset shift doesn’t mean we stop caring about how we show up. It means we stop obsessing over things that don’t matter as much as we think they do.
There’s power in remembering: no one cares in the way we fear.
But they do care when we show up real.
So stumble. Learn. Show up anyway.
And the next time you fall into the old belief that everyone is watching?
Just remember: they probably didn’t even see the stumble.
They were too busy trying to find their way, too.
Originally published at https://digitalnavigatorhq.com on April 14, 2025.