The Secret to Real Leadership: Wins Fade, Lessons Last

Do you count wins and losses… or wins and lessons?

Thirty years ago, coaching a second-grade basketball team taught me lessons I still carry today.

I wasn’t a basketball player… or even someone who played for fun. I stepped up because the kids needed someone. Someone who cared more about teaching life skills than just winning games.

Every kid played… no bench warmers, no superstars. Leadership wasn’t handed out—it was earned.

Two players stood out. One was a natural leader—always encouraging everyone, sharing the ball, and having fun. The other? A showboat. He loved scoring… and hearing his parents cheer his name. But working with the team? Not his thing.

It showed.

We lost games. Parents got mad. The kids felt down. I was frustrated.

One day, I decided. I pulled the showboat from the starting lineup. I wasn’t punishing him… just teaching him. I told him, “When you work with everyone else, you’ll get your spot back. Leadership isn’t about hogging the ball… it’s about effort. It’s about the team.”

Then we focused on teamwork. I showed him how even kids without athletic skills could be key. Some were great at watching—the other team’s strengths and weaknesses… the eyes and ears of the group.

Little by little, the boys learned to work together. They grew stronger as a team.

What Leadership Really Means

Leadership isn’t about being the most talented or standing out. It’s about stepping back and trusting others to do their part.

Mr. Showboat had talent, but without collaboration, it didn’t mean much. That season taught me something big: leadership isn’t about being the best… it’s about bringing out the best in others.

As coaches, parents, or leaders, it’s easy to focus on wins or accolades. But real success? It’s about preparing others to succeed—even when you’re not there.

Actionable Lessons from the Court

1. Lead by Example

Show your team what collaboration looks like. Actions speak louder than words.

2. Focus on Growth

Winning’s great, but growth happens when you prioritize skills, mindset, and strategy first.

3. Give Honest Feedback

Tearing someone down doesn’t help you get the answers you need—be calm, clear, and honest.

Reflecting on the Bigger Picture

Those games weren’t just about basketball. They were about lesson in life.

The kids learned to work together, and lift each other up. Mr. Leader thrived because he already understood those things. And Mr. Showboat? He earned his spot back—not only because of his talent, but because, learned that it was not always about him.

So… do you count wins and losses… or wins and lessons?

If you’re building a business, building a community, or leading a team, ask yourself: Are you helping others grow… or just chasing results?

Real leadership isn’t measured in trophies. It’s measured in the lives you’ve shaped along the way.